Ask Yourself First

By: Betsy Buckley

Posted on 10/11/2011 - 10:35pm | From the Growth Strategy Blog

I’m always on the lookout for great questions:  powerful questions to ask potential clients, thought-provoking questions to ask job candidates and evocative questions that stimulate discussions in staff sessions.

But the real question is what bigger questions can--- and should--- we ask ourselves?

Self-introspection is a critical part of all of our daily lives. Harvard management professor Rob Kaplan recently came out with a best-selling guidebook to self-questioning, titled What To Ask The Person In the Mirror: Critical Questions for Becoming a More Effective Leader and Reaching Your Potential.  He encourages daily reflection in these areas:

• Living the vision. Does my daily behavior--- this day--- reflect the priorities I need to hold sacred in order to achieve my vision?

• Asking the clock to tell the truth. How much time today was focused on those priorities?  What are the things I consistently let get in my way that distract from these priorities?

• Seeking feedback and giving some to myself. Who can I ask about whether I am living up to my vision? In what ways can I coach myself to receive (and act on) feedback from trusted colleagues and advisors, without feeling criticized or unappreciated?

• Inquiring about the enterprise’s alignment.  As an insider, how well does my vision match that of the organization? Am I drawing on my strengths? Am I delegating effectively? Does our organizational structure, our incentive systems, our culture and even my approach to leading still fit the needs of the organization?

• Is my modeling conducive to continued growth toward our vision?  If we believe actions do speak louder than words, we need to ask ourselves (and then seek responses from key team members who directly observe our behavior) this question: is there a “disconnect” between the messages I want to send and those that I am sending? 

Several years ago, my favorite poet, David Whyte, spoke at a daylong leadership program I attended called Questions That Have No Right To Go Away. Three of those questions continue to force me to dig deeper into self-questioning:

• What can I be wholehearted about? This is the question David encourages us to ask when we’re exhausted, stressed, or questioning why we’re thinking or doing (or not thinking or not doing) something that seemed important previously. It’s really the question that demands you answer what you care most about and what you are here on this earth to do. It’s the question I try to resist, by saying, “Yes, BUT I can do that when the children are grown, or the economy gets better, or when I’m retired.” It’s actually the question that forced me to realize I can always be wholehearted about growth and it also reminds me to keep that focus.

• Am I harvesting from this season of life? David’s premise is that most of us are living 4-5 years behind the curve of our own transformation and that we become tempted to stay in a place where we were previously comfortable, rather than moving on to the frontier we’re on now. I remember him saying, “The farmer can’t harvest what belonged to the previous season. It’s no longer there.” As I explore how well I am living the vision, or asking the clock to tell the truth, this question really pushes me into “where am I now.”

• How can I really know what I am saying? It’s important to overhear yourself talking… and, if we’re not accustomed to self -talk about our lives, our present realities, our desired possibilities for the future, we need to find a way for that voice to come alive. I walked away from his session committed to finding a way to do just that and arrived at what I call “singing in the car about me.” As I drive, I make up verses about my day, my concerns, my delights, my visions.

Rob’s ideas for questions are likely to appeal to left brain thinkers and David’s more to right brain thinkers. My encouragement is that you consider asking yourself a few of both.